The Path to ADHD Coaching

The best things in life have a way of coming after many disappointments and false starts. This is also true for people with ADHD. The stories I hear from clients about how they eventually come to coaching are very similar: “Once I received the diagnosis, I then worked with someone to help me follow through, but they told me it wasn’t working because I couldn’t follow through.” Years of trial and error with various professionals to learn efficient self-management skills can feel tortuous. The words I hear most are: “despair, lack of effort, I failed because of me," and “I want to be in charge of my own life!"

The good news is that these experiences, while not immediately providing the change clients are seeking, form a rich body of learning about what does and does not work for them. This self-knowledge is key to any successful coaching work in which they will eventually engage.

When clients arrive at a coaching session with a diagnosis and a history of trying many different ways to change things for themselves, they are ready -- truly and fully ready -- to embark on a productive, life-changing experience. Their desire for change is at an all-time high, while their despair can be at an all-time low. Ironically, these are the conditions that sustain clients best when they might otherwise avoid sessions or tasks that feel challenging. This history forms the motivational foundation from which clients will take more risks, tolerate uncertainty, and experiment with how to BE differently in their lives.

The best news of all is that these experiences are merely one aspect of the whole person. And this is what sets coaching apart from other modalities. There is the assumption that all of us are whole, just the way we are. Coaching – even ADHD Coaching - is about growing, learning and becoming. The purpose is to empower, illuminate the essential health of the client, and embrace all parts of themselves.

As Carl R. Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

P.S.: Don't forget to take a look at our videos on ADHD on YouTube!

Lynda Hoffman

Certified Professional & Personal Coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

ADHD: When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change...

The best things in life have a way of coming after many disappointments and false starts. This is also true for people with ADHD. The stories I hear from clients about how they eventually come to coaching are very similar: “Once I received the diagnosis, I then worked with someone to help me follow through, but they told me it wasn’t working because I couldn’t follow through.” Years of trial and error with various professionals to learn efficient self-management skills can feel tortuous. The words I hear most are: “despair, lack of effort, I failed because of me," and “I want to be in charge of my own life!"

The good news is that these experiences, while not immediately providing the change clients are seeking, form a rich body of learning about what does and does not work for them. This self-knowledge is key to any successful coaching work in which they will eventually engage.

When clients arrive at a coaching session with a diagnosis and a history of trying many different ways to change things for themselves, they are ready -- truly and fully ready -- to embark on a productive, life-changing experience. Their desire for change is at an all-time high, while their despair can be at an all-time low. Ironically, these are the conditions that sustain clients best when they might otherwise avoid sessions or tasks that feel challenging. This history forms the motivational foundation from which clients will take more risks, tolerate uncertainty, and experiment with how to BE differently in their lives.

The best news of all is that these experiences are merely one aspect of the whole person. And this is what sets coaching apart from other modalities. There is the assumption that all of us are whole, just the way we are. Coaching – even ADHD Coaching - is about growing, learning and becoming. The purpose is to empower, illuminate the essential health of the client, and embrace all parts of themselves.

As Carl R. Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Lynda Hoffman

Certified Professional & Personal Coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

Parenting Stress and Social Support

Are you the parent of an infant, toddler, child, tween, or teen?  If you are, then chances are good that you’re incredibly busy.  And of course, the more sweet and amazing children we have, the more hectic life seems to get.  But that’s okay right?  We don’t have to be a circus clown to learn to juggle.  You simply need to be a parent in a high-tech, fast-paced society, making it on your own or with a partner.  And hopefully everyone everyone remains healthy, assuming they are. 

It seems that back in the day when we were kids, we just went to school, maybe had one extra-curricular activity, and played outside with the other kids in the neighborhood, free from excessive parental supervision in the name of safety.  But in our modern times, there are so many more things for parents to worry about, such as our children accessing elicit online material, sexual predators, and even engaging activities with peers that were unheard of 15-20 years go.   Add to this that today’s parents have much longer working hours which makes finding the time to connect with friends and building new relationship more challenging.  Even stay-at-home moms are spending more time behind the wheel carting their kids between playdates, lessons, sports practices, and enrichment activities, with very little time to socialize with friends.  This is very true if you are the parent of young children.   All of this can be as stressful as it is isolating.  In fact, according to one study done on the relationship between social support, family wellbeing, the quality of parenting, and child resilience, attending to our need for supportive relationships is indispensable for parents ⁽¹⁾. 

Many researcher have noted the existence of different types of social support such as emotional, informational, tangible help (physical or financial), and positive social interactions with close ties, just to name a few.  An absence of these in our lives can affect our sense of wellbeing, the quality of our parenting, and even our children’s resilience⁽¹⁾.  Intuitively we know it’s important, but science tells us why.  Researchers suggests that social support acts as a buffer between the things that stress us such as the loss of a job or an accident, and the potential effects of stress, such as ill health, depression, and general distress⁽¹⁾. 

This is especially true for parents with a child with a disability.  One study showed that parental satisfaction with emotional support was the only one of a list of factors studied, that had a significant positive relationship to parental wellbeing and the level of satisfaction in family functioning⁽²⁾.  This type of support can come from family, friends, even from organizations set up to offer support services for parents and caregivers.  Local community health centres such as CLSCs are a good resource for this type of information.   

Many studies have also shown that a child’s resilience, or ability to cope with adversity as it arises, is learned as new challenges are faced and met with success.  When children have the opportunity to witness their parents nurture other close adult ties, they learn that good relationships are an important aspect of life and eventually adopt this as a way of meeting the ups and downs of life as they grow into adulthood.

Certainly, being a parent can bring many joys and also many challenges on ones life.  It is important to remind ourselves that we need the care, the good ear, and the kind heart of people we trust and admire in order to really be there for the most important people in our lives, our children.  When we place importance on taking the time to do so, all benefit.

Lyane Trepanier, Ph.D. Cand., McGill University

on behalf of Medipsy Psychological Services

References

1- Armstrong, I. M., Birnie-Lefcovitch, S., & Ungar, M. T.  (2005). Pathways between social support, family well-being, quality of parenting, and child resilience: What we know.  Journal of Child and Family Studies, 14, 2, 269-281.

http://facweb.northseattle.edu/cadler/Eng_102_S2009/Readings/Shipping%20News%20Readings/Pathways.pdf

2- Snowdon A.W., Cameron S., Dunham K. (1994). Relathionships between stress, coping resources, and satisfaction with family functioning in family with children with disabilities. Canadian Journal of Nursing Research, 26, 3, 63-76.