We are inclined to breathe a sigh of relief when our child graduates
high school thinking that reaching this milestone means college will be somehow
easier. Amid the celebration, it is important to remember that all transitions
can be tricky to navigate for those with ADHD. Being prepared for this reality
is the best way to set your child up for success.
What is it about transitioning to
CEGEP or College that can be so challenging for teens? Like
all transitions, the expectations placed on students are suddenly higher than
those in high school. And they are higher precisely in the areas that our
children may be having difficulties in, for example knowing how much studying
is enough, anticipating what is expected when it is not explicitly said,
getting around campus, resisting the temptation to go to the mall rather than classes
they may not be interested in. These “executive” skills are mediated by the
prefrontal cortex of the brain whose development, in individuals with ADHD,
tends to lag behind those of their peers without ADHD. Executive function
skills are those that support us in doing
the things we know we should be doing, and when we should be doing them. As such, you may find yourself
watching your teen choosing to prepare for tests at the last minute, handing in
assignments late or not at all, performing poorly on tests, and avoiding asking
their teachers for help.
What can parents do about this? Your
role is now one of supporting your teen’s growing autonomy, while also
expecting that there may be gaps in their ability to follow through, or doing
what they should be doing. Start by finding out in advance what support
services are available at the college your teen will be attending. Model the
core belief in a “Growth Mindset” that learning is about honing abilities and
skills, as much as it is about learning content. This creates a love of learning
and builds resilience necessary for children to solve problems more flexibly and
non-judgmentally. Be prepared to ask your teen questions when you see something
they may not be seeing: “Is this a problem for you? How can you know? How are
you planning to handle that? What will you do about this?” Be curious about their experience. Listen.
Your relationship with your teen is the best way to ensure you two work
productively together if something goes awry.
How to communicate with your teen? Be prepared that he/she may respond
defensively to a question they do not have an answer for. Take this as a sign
that they really don’t know and that they don’t like not knowing. Acknowledge
their feelings. Let them know that you are there to break the problem down with
them when they are ready. If they say, “No, I don’t need your help”, you can
ask them, “Is there a person at the college who you would feel comfortable
talking to about this?” Hold them accountable for finding a solution. Above
all, praise all efforts to find a solution even if the solution is not one you
agree with. For example, “I see that you are trying to get a handle on this. It
is great you are taking responsibility for it. Is there something else that
might also be helpful?”
Is the CEGEP or College the best fit?
Set your teen up for success. Find a program your child is truly
interested in. High interest is the best way to ensure your teen will be
engaged during the program. If they must go into a program they are not
thrilled about, it is helpful for them to find some activity at the college, outside
their studies, that they truly enjoy. This will support them in staying
connected to the school community. Also, ask if the school provides
accommodations for exams and/or has tutoring and coaching services available.
How do I know if my teen needs
coaching? If your teen is underperforming, appears disorganized,
and is not sharing with you, it may be that he/she would be more open to
working with a coach. Coaching builds the inner skills necessary for academic
success: effective problem solving for better decision making, breaking down
tasks, learning to ask for help when needed, building accurate self-awareness,
and acquiring resilience in the face of challenges.
Where can parents get answers to
their questions? You may benefit from support too. Find a coach who is
familiar with ADHD and how to build executive skills. Ask them your questions.
Or, better still, find a coach for yourself. Have no doubt. You are a leader
and your resilience and level of confidence will impact how you show up to
support your child.
Lynda Hoffman, certified ADHD coach
No comments:
Post a Comment