Steve,
threw up his hands in frustration saying, “Why don’t I do it? I learned from
the best how to get organized, but I just don’t do it!” For adults with ADHD,
repeatedly failing to do what they know very well how to do is very
frustrating.
Steve loved
people and people loved Steve. He was smart, charming, and creative. He was
welcomed onto committees and he volunteered enthusiastically to take on
important tasks. His input was valued and trusted, until it became clear that
he was not doing what he said he was going to do. This pattern caused Steve
deep embarrassment and eventually he decided to stop volunteering altogether.
He was also failing to keep a job, or complete any task that required more than
a few steps. He was in a tender place with his family who begged him to explain
what was going on. But he could not
enlighten them any more than he could enlighten himself. Years of relative
unproductivity eventually led to a growing sense of inadequacy. By the time I
first met him, he was suffering with severe anxiety and he despaired that he
could ever change this pattern of behaviour.
So, he asked me, “Why am I not doing what I said I would do?”
The short
answer to his question was “ADHD”. This disorder is by definition an impairment
of the self-management system, which includes the ability to modulate focus,
and start and complete tasks. A patient once remarked to Dr. Thomas E.
Brown, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at
the Yale University School of Medicine and Associate Director of the Yale
Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders, that having ADHD, “is like
having erectile dysfunction of the mind.” You do not have conscious control
over performing on demand. Imminent threat or reward, however, will change the
brain’s chemistry and mobilize the person to action.
What does this mean for you if you need to follow through
more reliably and you have ADHD? Certainly,
you do not want to live under threat in order to produce work and you know that you cannot count on will
power to change your behaviour. The answer lies in using what you do have
control over. High interest and
emotional pleasure are powerful motivators and, as such, they create the right
brain chemistry for action. For people
with ADHD, finding what interests them can be used as a strategy, rather than a
distraction. When you know your passion, and live it, you will be more likely
to be complete work and persevere through tedious tasks.
On a deeper
level, knowing what you dream of for yourself, and what you truly want out of
your life, can powerfully draw you forward. Getting in touch with what matters
to you, coming to know it, see it, visualize it, sense it, and breathe life
into it, is a good way to change your brain chemistry. I have repeatedly been
surprised by how much a client with ADHD can get done, or overcome, when
sufficiently motivated. The fact is, none
of us knows, what we can accomplish in our lives when we allow ourselves to
breathe in possibility. Likewise, the limits in front of us are often of our
own making, If you believe that you must find success by doing things the same
way was everyone else, and doing the boring tasks that you find difficult to
do, you may be limiting your potential.
By focusing on what is not working, you inadvertently create a box for yourself.
This brings more of what you don’t want: avoidance, withdrawal, and self-judgment.
I would suggest doing the opposite. Set the intention to create what you want
for your life. You will be giving
yourself the gift of energy and motivation to learn the skills of DOING what
you know how to DO. You can then learn
to notice without judgment that “oops, I’m off track. My trip to the Amalfi
coast is out there. Oh, the colours, the smells, and textures. Ok, time to get
back to work.”
Lynda Hoffman, certified ADHD coach
