Monday, June 20, 2016

“If I know how to do it, why don’t I do it?”

Steve, threw up his hands in frustration saying, “Why don’t I do it? I learned from the best how to get organized, but I just don’t do it!” For adults with ADHD, repeatedly failing to do what they know very well how to do is very frustrating.

Steve loved people and people loved Steve. He was smart, charming, and creative. He was welcomed onto committees and he volunteered enthusiastically to take on important tasks. His input was valued and trusted, until it became clear that he was not doing what he said he was going to do. This pattern caused Steve deep embarrassment and eventually he decided to stop volunteering altogether. He was also failing to keep a job, or complete any task that required more than a few steps. He was in a tender place with his family who begged him to explain what was going on.  But he could not enlighten them any more than he could enlighten himself. Years of relative unproductivity eventually led to a growing sense of inadequacy. By the time I first met him, he was suffering with severe anxiety and he despaired that he could ever change this pattern of behaviour.  So, he asked me, “Why am I not doing what I said I would do?”

The short answer to his question was “ADHD”. This disorder is by definition an impairment of the self-management system, which includes the ability to modulate focus, and start and complete tasks. A patient once remarked to Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine and Associate Director of the Yale Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders, that having ADHD, “is like having erectile dysfunction of the mind.” You do not have conscious control over performing on demand. Imminent threat or reward, however, will change the brain’s chemistry and mobilize the person to action.

What does this mean for you if you need to follow through more reliably and you have ADHD?  Certainly, you do not want to live under threat in order to produce work and you know that you cannot count on will power to change your behaviour. The answer lies in using what you do have control over.  High interest and emotional pleasure are powerful motivators and, as such, they create the right brain chemistry for action.  For people with ADHD, finding what interests them can be used as a strategy, rather than a distraction. When you know your passion, and live it, you will be more likely to be complete work and persevere through tedious tasks.


On a deeper level, knowing what you dream of for yourself, and what you truly want out of your life, can powerfully draw you forward. Getting in touch with what matters to you, coming to know it, see it, visualize it, sense it, and breathe life into it, is a good way to change your brain chemistry. I have repeatedly been surprised by how much a client with ADHD can get done, or overcome, when sufficiently motivated.  The fact is, none of us knows, what we can accomplish in our lives when we allow ourselves to breathe in possibility. Likewise, the limits in front of us are often of our own making, If you believe that you must find success by doing things the same way was everyone else, and doing the boring tasks that you find difficult to do, you may be limiting your potential.  By focusing on what is not working, you inadvertently create a box for yourself. This brings more of what you don’t want: avoidance, withdrawal, and self-judgment. I would suggest doing the opposite. Set the intention to create what you want for your life.   You will be giving yourself the gift of energy and motivation to learn the skills of DOING what you know how to DO.  You can then learn to notice without judgment that “oops, I’m off track. My trip to the Amalfi coast is out there. Oh, the colours, the smells, and textures. Ok, time to get back to work.”


Lynda Hoffman, certified ADHD coach

No comments:

Post a Comment