Got any advice for getting started on values?

There are only four days left in February – that means four more values-related posts.   I am wondering if this information has touched people and if they are acting more in line with values.  This morning, I had a conversation with a friend who said he was thinking a lot about his life and his values because of reading this blog. That felt great!  But I know me, and if I was reading, I would be thinking a lot and doing not much.  That is because it is tough for me to get started.  I could easily think that values are important and do nothing.  I have already written about procrastination (Feb 22^nd) describing the things that could cause me to procrastinate once I have started.  Today I would like to offer some help to anyone who - like me - has a hard time getting going. 

Maybe you are thinking you should be doing something about values and getting upset with yourself that you are not.  If so, you could probably use some self-compassion.  Self-compassion involves being kind to yourself when you think you might be failing.  It also involves understanding that your “failure” is just part of being human and that you do not need to push difficult feelings aside.   Researchers who have studied self-compassion and how it related to feeling of failure have found that when people show compassion to themselves they are still able to remain interested and involved (Neff et al., 2005).  This means that if you can be kind to yourself and recognize that it is human to procrastinate, you are more likely to stay involved with the idea that values are important and worthwhile.  If you are not self-compassionate you will be more likely to vent about your failure – and ruminative behavior does not have great psychological consequences.   So if you are procrastinating, know that everyone does sometimes and try not to spend your time being upset with yourself.  Keep values in your awareness and give yourself a chance.  Maybe just take one small action today and nail it.

Reference

Neff, K.D., Hsieh, Y.P., & Dejitterat. K. (2005) Self-compassion, achievement goals, and coping with academic failure.  Self and identity, 4:3, 263-287, DOI: 10.1080/13576500444000317